Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples]

Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples]

angeliqueVampire Deconectat

PinkBizarretard mood :X

Răspunsuri: 173
Subiecte: 11
Data înregistrării: Aug 2008
Reputație: 94
Zupi: 951 z

#16

16-02-2009, 04:56 PM

heyya mira-chan!!
ei, se pare ca nu m-am putut abtine, so a trebuit sa vin si eu aici sa comentez :D
greseli: [mwhahaha]
-- mi se pare ca trebuia sa subliniezi mai mult acea latura rece a lui Eiri, pe care el o afiseaza mai tot timpul, dar care o intalnesc prea rar in capitolele tale;
--nu prea sunt greseli de tastare [nici nu am cautat], dar uneori mai ai greseli gramaticale si mici dezacorduri;

acum sa trecem la partea frumoasa a lucrurilor:
--combini foarte bine descrierea, naratiunea si dialogul, in general, ca mai sunt si parti in care suna tras de par [si inca rau]
--te perfectionezi pe zi ce trece, si abia astept sa citesc viitorul capitol

ajung la partea mai neserioasa...

Yeah!! e primul fic yaoi la care imi permit sa comentez!!
so, miky-chan[or vanilla-chan, pentru mine e the same] considera ca ai potential, dar scrierea mai trebuie aranjata putin, sa dea un aer mai relaxat textului

good luck [I said good, not bad] si see you next time :bye:

ì•„ë¦„ë‹¤ìš´ ë¯¸ë…€ë¥¼ ì¢‹ì•„í•˜ë©´ ê³ ìƒí•œë‹¤
Heart aches when you fall in love with a beauty...

[Imagine: 127954537375290.jpg]

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Răspunsuri în acest subiect

Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 03-02-2009, 10:03 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yukira1234 - 04-02-2009, 03:53 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 04-02-2009, 10:00 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yukira1234 - 04-02-2009, 11:39 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de myuu - 05-02-2009, 12:30 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 06-02-2009, 11:04 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de myuu - 06-02-2009, 05:08 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ryuu - 07-02-2009, 02:05 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 07-02-2009, 02:53 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 08-02-2009, 01:22 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 08-02-2009, 04:21 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 11-02-2009, 10:33 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yukira1234 - 13-02-2009, 12:37 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 13-02-2009, 08:24 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Miyaki - 13-02-2009, 09:59 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de angeliqueVampire - 16-02-2009, 04:56 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ely-chin - 18-02-2009, 08:12 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 07-03-2009, 11:13 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 08-03-2009, 12:36 AM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ely-chin - 08-03-2009, 06:55 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 21-03-2009, 11:03 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 21-03-2009, 11:36 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Miyaki - 22-03-2009, 09:04 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 30-03-2009, 09:35 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de love_anime - 30-03-2009, 09:46 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Elusive wolf - 30-03-2009, 09:50 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 30-03-2009, 09:55 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de chrissta - 30-03-2009, 10:25 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 06-04-2009, 08:20 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de love_anime - 06-04-2009, 08:32 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 06-04-2009, 08:39 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Ely-chin - 07-05-2009, 05:39 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 18-05-2009, 05:11 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 18-05-2009, 05:43 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de aoixtenshi - 24-07-2009, 06:16 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de Yaku-chin - 24-07-2009, 06:30 PM

RE: Once upon a time- Gravitation [Yaoi and normal couples] - de love_anime - 24-07-2009, 06:39 PM

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