06-10-2011, 09:27 PM
well....no...iti multumesc ca mi le-ai aratat>:D< acum vin cu urmatorul capitol ft ft lung:)
***
I stormed out of the studio knowing that Michelle would kill me when she`ll get through to me but I didn`t care. It doesn`t matter. I just had to get away from that guy. He really got to me. It wasn`t his cocky attitude nor the way he talk, it was what he said about my engagement ring that made me act that way. He said those things like he knew me, like he knew what I like… he gave me that impression that he would had chosen the right ring, the perfect one for me. So I ran because I didn`t want to believe that someone else than Damon, some stranger I have never met could know me in that personal way, but the truth is that even Damon, the one that I chose to be my one, doesn`t know me even if he should. So I drive and drive and drive some more.
I let the wind blow away all my thoughts, especially all my doubts, but it doesn`t work. I keep thinking about him… the way he looked, the way he smiled at me, the way he smelled… he smelled like roses and moon rays. He is the first person that has that fragrance. Moon rays… the only person I know that smells like that, everybody else smells like sunlight or someone even smelled like fresh earth. Damon smells like fresh earth, like stability and calm. I want stability and calm and happiness. I deserve it, I need it.
Driving without a destination got me to a place, a beautiful place outside the city. I pull over, get out of the car and go to the beautiful very green forest that caught my attention. The trees are so tall and the leaves are perfect. They don`t have a single defect on them. It is unnatural but it is beautiful and I just can see my favorite tall beauty with green forest eyes and brown earth like long straight hair in a long see through dress posing for me in this place. Because I don`t like wasting occasions like this and I don`t leave anywhere without my cameras, I call Rachelle.
The phone rings three times before Rachelle finally answers.
"Heeeelllloooo…." I hear her voice thickened by sleep.
She was sleeping at this hour and I just woke her up. Rachelle will not be happy about this but since she is kind of awake now she will surely want to hear me out.
"Ugh… sorry, Rachelle for waking you but I just found a forest near the city ad you will look amazing in a long pink see through dress among all this intensely green scenery." I tell her speaking very slow and saying the words correctly.
"Ablase… I don`t know what to say… I`m really not in the mood for a photo shot…" she says.
"Rachelle, believe me with these photos in your portfolio you will make a very good impression. A very, very good impression and you know I don`t lie about this things." I tell her saying the magic words that will convince her.
"If it were anybody else, I wouldn`t have believed it but since it is you who says this I`m coming." She says and hung up.
Rachelle didn`t let me tell her where this place is so I know that she will call me in a while asking about directions, but until my cell rings I will just stay here and enjoy the peace and quiet. The wing begins to blow, moving the leaves and making a sweet sound… so soothing and calming and it is making me forget. Forget about all the problems and all the stupid insecurities that that bastard started. I walk to a beautiful big oak and sit down leaning my back on the thick trunk. And I just let go. I close my eyes and in a second I fall asleep.
"When I open my eyes the forest disappeared and I find myself in a room that is dark, cold and scary. It is so cold that I can feel my bones freezing. I look around and then I understand that I am standing in a big old bed with nothing on me except a very thin night gown. Luckily for me there is a thick blanket that I immediately pull over my almost naked body trying to warm myself up but it isn`t working. The blanket is made from an animal fur and it is very comfortable and it should warm me but nothing is happening. I actually start shivering and it takes me a while to understand why. The fear that is controlling me is making my blood freeze, is controlling my heart. I am afraid. But of what? I don`t know, I just know I am scared of something. I decide to wait for that something to happen so when I hear a boom I know it has come.
I understand immediately that even if I tried to run I wouldn`t had where to run too so that is why I couldn`t move from that bed, that is why I had to try and calm myself.
"Darling! I have come to take my right!" I hear somebody yelling.
And my fear goes up an inch. I suddenly feel naked and weak. I begin trembling waiting like a scared little rabbit for the big bad wolf to appear and eat me. Then I hear the awful sound of the door creaking. He has come. He will hurt me very bad. I don`t know from where I know this, I just do. My mind is screaming at me to just get the hell out of there but I can`t move a muscle.
"Hello, sweat heart! Oh, how I waited for this. You are mine now. Only mine and nobodies else but mine!" I hear him saying while he stumbles in bed.
He is drunk, I can smell the alcohol in his breath and immediately feel his hand grabbing my leg and pulling me to sit under him. I can feel his hands all over my body while my stomach protests loudly against those touches.
"There you are blonde beauty." He says while he pulls me to him and puts me on all four, then he rips my night gown.
A scream fills the air around me. It takes me a second to understand that I am the one screaming but I just don`t understand why. Maybe it is better this way…"
I wake up all sweaty and scared. I look around and all I see are trees, then I feel my phone vibrating.
"Rachelle."
I knew she will call eventually, but the fact that I fell asleep in a place like this and had such a dream takes me by surprise. And such a real dream like that… I find myself still shivering.
I shake the feeling of and answer and in a few words I tell Rachelle all she needs to know to get to where I am. As soon as I hung up the wind starts again but this time it brings whispers with it not peace and serenity.
"You don`t deserve him… let him go… you won`t be together. You will never be together. The stars won`t allow it!"
"Who is there? " I ask, my voice trembling.
Nothing. Just the wind.
"He is not yours to take!"
I hear someone screaming furiously and a gush of wind appears of nowhere blowing my hair all around my face. I have the sensation that the wind tries to make a point, to make me scare and let go of whomever I have in my grasp. I don`t think it is talking about Damon, though…
What the hell am I doing? I am trying to understand what the whispers are referring to, what my twisted imagination made up. I must be going insane to believe that the wind is talking to me.
"Ablase? "
As soon as Rachelle appears the strange wind disappears leaving me standing all alone and scared, trembling just a little. Maybe, just maybe I didn`t imagine all this but I can`t believe that, it is just so impossible it shouldn`t even be considered.
"Are you okay? " I hear the concern in my friend voice and I automatically snap out of it, trying to assure her that I am just peachy.
"Yeah. Don`t worry. I am more than better." I whisper giving her a smile.
She doesn`t buy it but shrugs it because she know that I won`t tell her anything. At least in that moment, she know sooner or later I will tell her what is bothering me so she can wait until then.
"Ablase? "
As soon as Rachelle appears the strange wind disappears leaving me standing all alone and scared, trembling just a little. Maybe, just maybe I didn`t imagine all this but I can`t believe that, it is just so impossible it shouldn`t even be considered.
"Are you okay? " I hear the concern in my friend voice and I automatically snap out of it, trying to assure her that I am just peachy.
"Yeah. Don`t worry. I am more than better." I whisper giving her a smile.
She doesn`t buy it but shrugs it because she know that I won`t tell her anything. At least in that moment, she knows sooner or later I will tell her what is bothering me so she can wait until then.
"You are right, girlfriend. This really is a very magical place. I always wonder how come you find all these magical places." Rachelle says while looking around at the trees that surround us.
"If I tell you I just stumble upon them by mistake, will you believe me? " I ask the beauty.
"Yes. You always stumble upon good things. You never choose them, you usually choose badly." Rachelle says turning her back at me so that I can`t see her expression.
She truly was saying something more with those words of hers, something that I don`t want to hear in this moment. I know Rachelle never really liked Damon. Ever since she met him, she told me that he didn`t deserve me and that he will surely make me cry. I forgot about her dislike of my fiancé when I called her. I don`t need this kind of thing right now. Why do all the doubts appear the first minute when you are alone, when the love of your life s far away from you and can`t chase away the ill feelings? I will never understand why all the bad things come crashing on you the first second when the weakness shows her ugly face. I am trying very hard to be strong, to be confident in his love for me, in the fact that we are meant to be together, to ignore all the little things that he does that I very much dislike but pretend to life for us to be happy. In love there has to be a relationship based on give and take, based on compromises so that is what I do, I compromise so that we will be happy.
Why do I need to work this hard to make this work? Is this right? Is this really meant to be? Rachelle, one of my best friends, is telling me that I don`t make the right choices when I chose them, that I only stumble upon the right ones. She is basically telling me that Damon is not the one, just like that arrogant badass told me that the ring didn`t suite me. No. I don`t have to believe them. It is just their opinion; they are entitled to have one. I am making the right decision. I am. This things that I am feeling are just the doubts before the weeding. Everybody has them. I am very sure that Damon is about to break down because of the emotions, even if he doesn`t show it. A giggle escapes my mouth at the image of Damon showing how unsure he is. The ever cool, confident Chiba Damon showing weakness, well that is something I would want to see.
"Rachelle, could we not have that discussion again in this place? I get it, I truly do. You don`t like him, but I love him, I'm going to marry him and I really want you to be one of my bridesmaids." I tell her.
She doesn`t look very happy about my decision, but lets me alone for the moment.
"Okay. Then lets start this photo shot and get it over with."
I just hate it when she acts like this. She disapproves of my decision. She always disapproves of my decision when it involves Damon. No, no more thoughts about him today. I had enough doubts to last me a lifetime.
I take a couple of photos of Rachelle while she puts on her pink see through dress. She doesn`t have a single problem with me taking photos of her naked body. I know I would have had a big problem if someone took nude photos of me. I wouldn`t have had the courage or this natural attitude. Of course, she isn`t entirely naked, she has this miniscule panties that are a soft pink and a bra that is the same color as her silk skin that gives the impression that she isn`t wearing one. But still, I would have felt exposed and weird and the photos would have shown my feelings, my awkward feeling of being photographed naked. They would have been awful.
By the end of the day I have taken almost five hundred photos but only a half of them would be good, the rest would probably be thrown away and forgotten. Not a single word was said between the two of us this hole time. It was best this way because she let me concentrate on the task I was doing.
"We are done. I`m happy you could stay and give me the opportunity to photograph you at sun down. The light was incredible. The way it fall on your skin and hair, I don`t have any words to describe it." I say entranced about the photos that I took.
"I`m happy I did this, too. It will do wonders for my career." She told me while changing back to her normal clothes. "You know… everyone in my line of work wonders how come I am the only one that you photograph, they are pretty jealous that they can`t convince you to take their photos too. I am the only model you use, why is that?" Rachelle asks me.
"Because… I don`t know how to say this. You look perfect in this kind of environment; it is like you were made to be a goddess of the earth and forest. And you aren`t my only model, you know. I use Ray, you know Ray, right? The brunette you met a couple of weeks ago." I wait until she shakes her head making me understand that she remembers. "I use her for beautiful dark places like a forest in the night time or a cave. Oh, and one time, when we found this entrancing Arabian scenery, it was when some Arabian circus was here, she looked like a fire goddess with the flame throwers playing with fair all around her. And then, you don`t know them or maybe you do… I use Katelyn the famous violinist and Henritte or Henry the famous race driver for beach and water because they remind me of a siren and an angel. Katelyn is a very good swimmer also and Henry just loves to fly and she looks wonderful and so peaceful on the beach with the summer breeze playing with her short sand like hair. But they don`t want to publish or use the photos, they gave me permission to use them, but I respect their decision and I`m not using them either. I feel that if I use them I would invade their privacy." I tell her knowing perfectly well that for a while I sounded like a child talking about her favorite toys.
"Oh. I didn`t knew that." She simply says without a hint of hurt in her voice.
I would had told her this a long time ago but I forgot and since she never asked it simply slipped my mind.
It is getting dark so we finally go back into the city. Rachelle wants to go clubbing and spend some more time with me, but I don`t feel like it so I refuse. I know what she wants to do, she is quite the instigator but I won`t let her make me slip and ruin my relationship. We spend some more time together and she tells me about how she got the autograph of a very famous singer, someone named Seiya Kou but the name doesn`t ring a bell. But her story is very funny. I never would have guess that Rachelle would freeze when meeting someone famous, maybe because she is also a very well known model. It is refreshing to know that she hasn`t changed at all since when we were in high school. Then at eight o`clock we part ways after giving dinner together. After a weird day like today, I just want to go home and talk to my sweet Damon. I began feeling lonely and missing him so much now that nobody is trying to get my attention.
So I get out of the car as soon as I park it in the underground garage and then run to the lift and push enthusiastically the four button where my apartment is. I get out of the lift way to quick and I end up scaring a old couple and I forget to formally greet them, but I am sure they didn`t even notice my lack of manners because they were trying to calm themselves. I stop only when I am inside of my, in fact, our four room apartment. It is kind of silly of me to act like a child but it is also a lot of fun. I forget how much fun it was when I was little to just forget everything else and act like the innocent, clumsy girl that I was, not giving a damn about what someone else taught about me. I giggle thinking about how Damon would see right through me when I called. I never could lie to him, actually I didn`t try even once to lie. I don`t see the point. If you have to lie to your only love then how could you call that love? You should be comfortable telling him or her everything and him or her telling you everything without having to worry about the possibility that your love will not understand or misunderstand. Since it is your true love, he or she should understand. As always I space out again and am brought back to reality by the phone ringing. I launch for it with such speed and force that I end on the floor breathing heavily but succeeding on answering before he hung up.
'Damon? " I ask while trying to catch my breath.
I lie on the floor with the phone at my ear trying to pay attention at the other person.
"Ase? Did I interrupted something? " he asked and I could hear the concern in his voice and something else I can`t quite place.
Could it be anger? Why would he be angry? No, it must be just my imagination. I imagine the look on his beautiful manly face while thinking about me and I forget all about that something else that bugged me.
"No, no! Don`t worry. You know me… I was thinking again and didn`t hear the phone… or so I taught. Is it your first time calling? "
"No. Actually it is my third time calling."
Of, so it was annoyance in his voice at that moment, but it doesn`t seem right. I don`t let him finish his sentence because I feel bad. I was so into my own little world that I didn`t hear the phone.
"Sorry! Sorry! I was daydreaming again!" I begin screaming apologies.
He lets me talk until I calm down. Damon knows how useless it is to try and stop me from apologizing.
"Are you done, Ase? " he asks after ten minutes of hearing me talk nonsense.
"Yes." I say blushing slightly even though he can`t see me.
"Well, then if you are calm now would you tell me how was your day? You told me this morning about your lack of interest in the photo shot Michelle asked you to do. How it went? "
My heart literally stops. I have forgotten all about that stupid cocky boy that had planted the seed of doubt in my heart. How can I tell him that he had succeeded in doing what my friends couldn`t all this years? How can I tell my lover, my soul mate that a total stranger with a single phrase in ten minutes made me so uncomfortable and furious that I ended up storming out of the studio before the shooting even began? No, no I defiantly can`t tell him this. He would be so furious, he`ll surely do stupid things. Even though I don`t believe in lying, I can`t possibly tell him the whole truth.
"Ase? " I hear his voice full of concern calling me. "Did something bad had happened today at the studio? "
I can tell that he is beginning to get angry and I am such a bad liar… I really don`t want him to get angry or upset because of that childish thing.
"Oh, nothing really. I just didn`t go along well with that guy. You know I don`t like superstars…" Or anyone that I don`t have a connection with, I continue the phrase in my head. I tell him praying to all my lucky stars that he`ll just drop it.
But of course, I don`t have any lucky stars.
"Did he do something to you? "
His voice is so cold that I can almost feel the room temperature dropping even though he isn`t here. It is so cold and empty of any trace of emotion that my blood freezes in my body and I remember that voice from that weird dream I had in the forest. But it was just a dream. Granted, a weird and very realistic one but just a simple dream in the end.
I need a couple of minute to calm down before I can answer him; Damon waits patiently for me to answer.
"No, he didn`t do anything to me specifically. He just complained a lot about the quality of the photos and he got me angry and I left. It isn`t as if I was the only one taking his photo. That is all, but on the bright side I found a wonderful place today and took some amazing photos of Rachelle. I`ll sent them to you as soon as I can. They will surely leave you speechless."
There is silence when I stop talking and it begins to scare me. Did he see through my lie? Or maybe I shouldn`t have mentioned Rachelle? He doesn`t like her, either. I just had switched some words and facts but it is the same thing in the end… I just need to talk tomorrow with Michelle so that in case she talks with him she will know what to tell him.
After a couple of minutes more I can`t take it anymore. I have to find out what he is thinking.
"Damon? " I ask in a weak voice fill with concern.
Silence.
"Damon, what happened? Are you still there? "
Probably because he hears the panic in my voice he decides to answer and calm me.
"Yeah. Usage is there anything else? You know I can tell when you aren`t being honest."
I know that. I would always in the past try to hide my bad mood from him or to hide some incidents with girls that liked him and didn`t approve of my relationship with him and he would always find out. He just knew somehow that I was trying just to not cause any more trouble even though I knew it wasn`t my fault or my problem and I was perfectly entitled to tell someone. I didn`t want everyone to worry just like now, I don`t want him to make a big deal out of it. I made it for both f us. Why should I let the words of that playboy ruin his day too?
"I`m telling you the whole truth here… or almost. I don`t want to met Michelle tomorrow. I just know she will be mad at me and she will surely try to make me patch up things with that ass." I say frustrated hopping that he will let it pass.
"Well, Ablase. I think she has a point. You two have a business to run and if you want it to be successful then you should try and make up with him. Nobody can resist your smile, you know. Let Michelle do all the talking, beside I am sure she won`t let you say a word because she is just like a crazy fan girl when it comes to celebrities. Hand in there sweetheart, I`ll come back soon and then everything will be alright. I have o go now so good-night, Ablase." He says hanging up the phone not letting me say anything.
"Everything will be alright…" I whisper putting the phone in the hock.
It feels weird. He feel weird like he was someone else… I know something upset him, that is why he switched from "Ase" to "Ablase", but I can`t complain. He will forget all about it tomorrow, I hope. But it still gives me a strange feeling like something bad will happened.
"Neah… I am just imagining things." I say out loud smiling to myself like a fool.
I just have talked with my love of my life, I should be happy and I will be after I take a shower and sleep, tomorrow when I will wake up everything will be okay. Everything will be back to normal.
"Uuufff!" I let out all the frustration.
I can`t believe I let that assholes words get to me. I should have known better than to take to heart some playboys' words. I go to the bathroom where I undress throwing the clothes in the laundry basket and get in the shower letting the warm water wash all the stress from the day away off my body and soul. It is so refreshing and calming that I forget everything about the awful day that I had. I almost forget about me.
I don`t pay any attention to anything else. I am only conscious of the water that is running down my naked body. I don`t hear any weird noise or the noise that someone is in the apartment, so when I hear the shower curtain slide to the left I let out a high scream backing away from whomever it is that broke into my house.
***
I stormed out of the studio knowing that Michelle would kill me when she`ll get through to me but I didn`t care. It doesn`t matter. I just had to get away from that guy. He really got to me. It wasn`t his cocky attitude nor the way he talk, it was what he said about my engagement ring that made me act that way. He said those things like he knew me, like he knew what I like… he gave me that impression that he would had chosen the right ring, the perfect one for me. So I ran because I didn`t want to believe that someone else than Damon, some stranger I have never met could know me in that personal way, but the truth is that even Damon, the one that I chose to be my one, doesn`t know me even if he should. So I drive and drive and drive some more.
I let the wind blow away all my thoughts, especially all my doubts, but it doesn`t work. I keep thinking about him… the way he looked, the way he smiled at me, the way he smelled… he smelled like roses and moon rays. He is the first person that has that fragrance. Moon rays… the only person I know that smells like that, everybody else smells like sunlight or someone even smelled like fresh earth. Damon smells like fresh earth, like stability and calm. I want stability and calm and happiness. I deserve it, I need it.
Driving without a destination got me to a place, a beautiful place outside the city. I pull over, get out of the car and go to the beautiful very green forest that caught my attention. The trees are so tall and the leaves are perfect. They don`t have a single defect on them. It is unnatural but it is beautiful and I just can see my favorite tall beauty with green forest eyes and brown earth like long straight hair in a long see through dress posing for me in this place. Because I don`t like wasting occasions like this and I don`t leave anywhere without my cameras, I call Rachelle.
The phone rings three times before Rachelle finally answers.
"Heeeelllloooo…." I hear her voice thickened by sleep.
She was sleeping at this hour and I just woke her up. Rachelle will not be happy about this but since she is kind of awake now she will surely want to hear me out.
"Ugh… sorry, Rachelle for waking you but I just found a forest near the city ad you will look amazing in a long pink see through dress among all this intensely green scenery." I tell her speaking very slow and saying the words correctly.
"Ablase… I don`t know what to say… I`m really not in the mood for a photo shot…" she says.
"Rachelle, believe me with these photos in your portfolio you will make a very good impression. A very, very good impression and you know I don`t lie about this things." I tell her saying the magic words that will convince her.
"If it were anybody else, I wouldn`t have believed it but since it is you who says this I`m coming." She says and hung up.
Rachelle didn`t let me tell her where this place is so I know that she will call me in a while asking about directions, but until my cell rings I will just stay here and enjoy the peace and quiet. The wing begins to blow, moving the leaves and making a sweet sound… so soothing and calming and it is making me forget. Forget about all the problems and all the stupid insecurities that that bastard started. I walk to a beautiful big oak and sit down leaning my back on the thick trunk. And I just let go. I close my eyes and in a second I fall asleep.
"When I open my eyes the forest disappeared and I find myself in a room that is dark, cold and scary. It is so cold that I can feel my bones freezing. I look around and then I understand that I am standing in a big old bed with nothing on me except a very thin night gown. Luckily for me there is a thick blanket that I immediately pull over my almost naked body trying to warm myself up but it isn`t working. The blanket is made from an animal fur and it is very comfortable and it should warm me but nothing is happening. I actually start shivering and it takes me a while to understand why. The fear that is controlling me is making my blood freeze, is controlling my heart. I am afraid. But of what? I don`t know, I just know I am scared of something. I decide to wait for that something to happen so when I hear a boom I know it has come.
I understand immediately that even if I tried to run I wouldn`t had where to run too so that is why I couldn`t move from that bed, that is why I had to try and calm myself.
"Darling! I have come to take my right!" I hear somebody yelling.
And my fear goes up an inch. I suddenly feel naked and weak. I begin trembling waiting like a scared little rabbit for the big bad wolf to appear and eat me. Then I hear the awful sound of the door creaking. He has come. He will hurt me very bad. I don`t know from where I know this, I just do. My mind is screaming at me to just get the hell out of there but I can`t move a muscle.
"Hello, sweat heart! Oh, how I waited for this. You are mine now. Only mine and nobodies else but mine!" I hear him saying while he stumbles in bed.
He is drunk, I can smell the alcohol in his breath and immediately feel his hand grabbing my leg and pulling me to sit under him. I can feel his hands all over my body while my stomach protests loudly against those touches.
"There you are blonde beauty." He says while he pulls me to him and puts me on all four, then he rips my night gown.
A scream fills the air around me. It takes me a second to understand that I am the one screaming but I just don`t understand why. Maybe it is better this way…"
I wake up all sweaty and scared. I look around and all I see are trees, then I feel my phone vibrating.
"Rachelle."
I knew she will call eventually, but the fact that I fell asleep in a place like this and had such a dream takes me by surprise. And such a real dream like that… I find myself still shivering.
I shake the feeling of and answer and in a few words I tell Rachelle all she needs to know to get to where I am. As soon as I hung up the wind starts again but this time it brings whispers with it not peace and serenity.
"You don`t deserve him… let him go… you won`t be together. You will never be together. The stars won`t allow it!"
"Who is there? " I ask, my voice trembling.
Nothing. Just the wind.
"He is not yours to take!"
I hear someone screaming furiously and a gush of wind appears of nowhere blowing my hair all around my face. I have the sensation that the wind tries to make a point, to make me scare and let go of whomever I have in my grasp. I don`t think it is talking about Damon, though…
What the hell am I doing? I am trying to understand what the whispers are referring to, what my twisted imagination made up. I must be going insane to believe that the wind is talking to me.
"Ablase? "
As soon as Rachelle appears the strange wind disappears leaving me standing all alone and scared, trembling just a little. Maybe, just maybe I didn`t imagine all this but I can`t believe that, it is just so impossible it shouldn`t even be considered.
"Are you okay? " I hear the concern in my friend voice and I automatically snap out of it, trying to assure her that I am just peachy.
"Yeah. Don`t worry. I am more than better." I whisper giving her a smile.
She doesn`t buy it but shrugs it because she know that I won`t tell her anything. At least in that moment, she know sooner or later I will tell her what is bothering me so she can wait until then.
"Ablase? "
As soon as Rachelle appears the strange wind disappears leaving me standing all alone and scared, trembling just a little. Maybe, just maybe I didn`t imagine all this but I can`t believe that, it is just so impossible it shouldn`t even be considered.
"Are you okay? " I hear the concern in my friend voice and I automatically snap out of it, trying to assure her that I am just peachy.
"Yeah. Don`t worry. I am more than better." I whisper giving her a smile.
She doesn`t buy it but shrugs it because she know that I won`t tell her anything. At least in that moment, she knows sooner or later I will tell her what is bothering me so she can wait until then.
"You are right, girlfriend. This really is a very magical place. I always wonder how come you find all these magical places." Rachelle says while looking around at the trees that surround us.
"If I tell you I just stumble upon them by mistake, will you believe me? " I ask the beauty.
"Yes. You always stumble upon good things. You never choose them, you usually choose badly." Rachelle says turning her back at me so that I can`t see her expression.
She truly was saying something more with those words of hers, something that I don`t want to hear in this moment. I know Rachelle never really liked Damon. Ever since she met him, she told me that he didn`t deserve me and that he will surely make me cry. I forgot about her dislike of my fiancé when I called her. I don`t need this kind of thing right now. Why do all the doubts appear the first minute when you are alone, when the love of your life s far away from you and can`t chase away the ill feelings? I will never understand why all the bad things come crashing on you the first second when the weakness shows her ugly face. I am trying very hard to be strong, to be confident in his love for me, in the fact that we are meant to be together, to ignore all the little things that he does that I very much dislike but pretend to life for us to be happy. In love there has to be a relationship based on give and take, based on compromises so that is what I do, I compromise so that we will be happy.
Why do I need to work this hard to make this work? Is this right? Is this really meant to be? Rachelle, one of my best friends, is telling me that I don`t make the right choices when I chose them, that I only stumble upon the right ones. She is basically telling me that Damon is not the one, just like that arrogant badass told me that the ring didn`t suite me. No. I don`t have to believe them. It is just their opinion; they are entitled to have one. I am making the right decision. I am. This things that I am feeling are just the doubts before the weeding. Everybody has them. I am very sure that Damon is about to break down because of the emotions, even if he doesn`t show it. A giggle escapes my mouth at the image of Damon showing how unsure he is. The ever cool, confident Chiba Damon showing weakness, well that is something I would want to see.
"Rachelle, could we not have that discussion again in this place? I get it, I truly do. You don`t like him, but I love him, I'm going to marry him and I really want you to be one of my bridesmaids." I tell her.
She doesn`t look very happy about my decision, but lets me alone for the moment.
"Okay. Then lets start this photo shot and get it over with."
I just hate it when she acts like this. She disapproves of my decision. She always disapproves of my decision when it involves Damon. No, no more thoughts about him today. I had enough doubts to last me a lifetime.
I take a couple of photos of Rachelle while she puts on her pink see through dress. She doesn`t have a single problem with me taking photos of her naked body. I know I would have had a big problem if someone took nude photos of me. I wouldn`t have had the courage or this natural attitude. Of course, she isn`t entirely naked, she has this miniscule panties that are a soft pink and a bra that is the same color as her silk skin that gives the impression that she isn`t wearing one. But still, I would have felt exposed and weird and the photos would have shown my feelings, my awkward feeling of being photographed naked. They would have been awful.
By the end of the day I have taken almost five hundred photos but only a half of them would be good, the rest would probably be thrown away and forgotten. Not a single word was said between the two of us this hole time. It was best this way because she let me concentrate on the task I was doing.
"We are done. I`m happy you could stay and give me the opportunity to photograph you at sun down. The light was incredible. The way it fall on your skin and hair, I don`t have any words to describe it." I say entranced about the photos that I took.
"I`m happy I did this, too. It will do wonders for my career." She told me while changing back to her normal clothes. "You know… everyone in my line of work wonders how come I am the only one that you photograph, they are pretty jealous that they can`t convince you to take their photos too. I am the only model you use, why is that?" Rachelle asks me.
"Because… I don`t know how to say this. You look perfect in this kind of environment; it is like you were made to be a goddess of the earth and forest. And you aren`t my only model, you know. I use Ray, you know Ray, right? The brunette you met a couple of weeks ago." I wait until she shakes her head making me understand that she remembers. "I use her for beautiful dark places like a forest in the night time or a cave. Oh, and one time, when we found this entrancing Arabian scenery, it was when some Arabian circus was here, she looked like a fire goddess with the flame throwers playing with fair all around her. And then, you don`t know them or maybe you do… I use Katelyn the famous violinist and Henritte or Henry the famous race driver for beach and water because they remind me of a siren and an angel. Katelyn is a very good swimmer also and Henry just loves to fly and she looks wonderful and so peaceful on the beach with the summer breeze playing with her short sand like hair. But they don`t want to publish or use the photos, they gave me permission to use them, but I respect their decision and I`m not using them either. I feel that if I use them I would invade their privacy." I tell her knowing perfectly well that for a while I sounded like a child talking about her favorite toys.
"Oh. I didn`t knew that." She simply says without a hint of hurt in her voice.
I would had told her this a long time ago but I forgot and since she never asked it simply slipped my mind.
It is getting dark so we finally go back into the city. Rachelle wants to go clubbing and spend some more time with me, but I don`t feel like it so I refuse. I know what she wants to do, she is quite the instigator but I won`t let her make me slip and ruin my relationship. We spend some more time together and she tells me about how she got the autograph of a very famous singer, someone named Seiya Kou but the name doesn`t ring a bell. But her story is very funny. I never would have guess that Rachelle would freeze when meeting someone famous, maybe because she is also a very well known model. It is refreshing to know that she hasn`t changed at all since when we were in high school. Then at eight o`clock we part ways after giving dinner together. After a weird day like today, I just want to go home and talk to my sweet Damon. I began feeling lonely and missing him so much now that nobody is trying to get my attention.
So I get out of the car as soon as I park it in the underground garage and then run to the lift and push enthusiastically the four button where my apartment is. I get out of the lift way to quick and I end up scaring a old couple and I forget to formally greet them, but I am sure they didn`t even notice my lack of manners because they were trying to calm themselves. I stop only when I am inside of my, in fact, our four room apartment. It is kind of silly of me to act like a child but it is also a lot of fun. I forget how much fun it was when I was little to just forget everything else and act like the innocent, clumsy girl that I was, not giving a damn about what someone else taught about me. I giggle thinking about how Damon would see right through me when I called. I never could lie to him, actually I didn`t try even once to lie. I don`t see the point. If you have to lie to your only love then how could you call that love? You should be comfortable telling him or her everything and him or her telling you everything without having to worry about the possibility that your love will not understand or misunderstand. Since it is your true love, he or she should understand. As always I space out again and am brought back to reality by the phone ringing. I launch for it with such speed and force that I end on the floor breathing heavily but succeeding on answering before he hung up.
'Damon? " I ask while trying to catch my breath.
I lie on the floor with the phone at my ear trying to pay attention at the other person.
"Ase? Did I interrupted something? " he asked and I could hear the concern in his voice and something else I can`t quite place.
Could it be anger? Why would he be angry? No, it must be just my imagination. I imagine the look on his beautiful manly face while thinking about me and I forget all about that something else that bugged me.
"No, no! Don`t worry. You know me… I was thinking again and didn`t hear the phone… or so I taught. Is it your first time calling? "
"No. Actually it is my third time calling."
Of, so it was annoyance in his voice at that moment, but it doesn`t seem right. I don`t let him finish his sentence because I feel bad. I was so into my own little world that I didn`t hear the phone.
"Sorry! Sorry! I was daydreaming again!" I begin screaming apologies.
He lets me talk until I calm down. Damon knows how useless it is to try and stop me from apologizing.
"Are you done, Ase? " he asks after ten minutes of hearing me talk nonsense.
"Yes." I say blushing slightly even though he can`t see me.
"Well, then if you are calm now would you tell me how was your day? You told me this morning about your lack of interest in the photo shot Michelle asked you to do. How it went? "
My heart literally stops. I have forgotten all about that stupid cocky boy that had planted the seed of doubt in my heart. How can I tell him that he had succeeded in doing what my friends couldn`t all this years? How can I tell my lover, my soul mate that a total stranger with a single phrase in ten minutes made me so uncomfortable and furious that I ended up storming out of the studio before the shooting even began? No, no I defiantly can`t tell him this. He would be so furious, he`ll surely do stupid things. Even though I don`t believe in lying, I can`t possibly tell him the whole truth.
"Ase? " I hear his voice full of concern calling me. "Did something bad had happened today at the studio? "
I can tell that he is beginning to get angry and I am such a bad liar… I really don`t want him to get angry or upset because of that childish thing.
"Oh, nothing really. I just didn`t go along well with that guy. You know I don`t like superstars…" Or anyone that I don`t have a connection with, I continue the phrase in my head. I tell him praying to all my lucky stars that he`ll just drop it.
But of course, I don`t have any lucky stars.
"Did he do something to you? "
His voice is so cold that I can almost feel the room temperature dropping even though he isn`t here. It is so cold and empty of any trace of emotion that my blood freezes in my body and I remember that voice from that weird dream I had in the forest. But it was just a dream. Granted, a weird and very realistic one but just a simple dream in the end.
I need a couple of minute to calm down before I can answer him; Damon waits patiently for me to answer.
"No, he didn`t do anything to me specifically. He just complained a lot about the quality of the photos and he got me angry and I left. It isn`t as if I was the only one taking his photo. That is all, but on the bright side I found a wonderful place today and took some amazing photos of Rachelle. I`ll sent them to you as soon as I can. They will surely leave you speechless."
There is silence when I stop talking and it begins to scare me. Did he see through my lie? Or maybe I shouldn`t have mentioned Rachelle? He doesn`t like her, either. I just had switched some words and facts but it is the same thing in the end… I just need to talk tomorrow with Michelle so that in case she talks with him she will know what to tell him.
After a couple of minutes more I can`t take it anymore. I have to find out what he is thinking.
"Damon? " I ask in a weak voice fill with concern.
Silence.
"Damon, what happened? Are you still there? "
Probably because he hears the panic in my voice he decides to answer and calm me.
"Yeah. Usage is there anything else? You know I can tell when you aren`t being honest."
I know that. I would always in the past try to hide my bad mood from him or to hide some incidents with girls that liked him and didn`t approve of my relationship with him and he would always find out. He just knew somehow that I was trying just to not cause any more trouble even though I knew it wasn`t my fault or my problem and I was perfectly entitled to tell someone. I didn`t want everyone to worry just like now, I don`t want him to make a big deal out of it. I made it for both f us. Why should I let the words of that playboy ruin his day too?
"I`m telling you the whole truth here… or almost. I don`t want to met Michelle tomorrow. I just know she will be mad at me and she will surely try to make me patch up things with that ass." I say frustrated hopping that he will let it pass.
"Well, Ablase. I think she has a point. You two have a business to run and if you want it to be successful then you should try and make up with him. Nobody can resist your smile, you know. Let Michelle do all the talking, beside I am sure she won`t let you say a word because she is just like a crazy fan girl when it comes to celebrities. Hand in there sweetheart, I`ll come back soon and then everything will be alright. I have o go now so good-night, Ablase." He says hanging up the phone not letting me say anything.
"Everything will be alright…" I whisper putting the phone in the hock.
It feels weird. He feel weird like he was someone else… I know something upset him, that is why he switched from "Ase" to "Ablase", but I can`t complain. He will forget all about it tomorrow, I hope. But it still gives me a strange feeling like something bad will happened.
"Neah… I am just imagining things." I say out loud smiling to myself like a fool.
I just have talked with my love of my life, I should be happy and I will be after I take a shower and sleep, tomorrow when I will wake up everything will be okay. Everything will be back to normal.
"Uuufff!" I let out all the frustration.
I can`t believe I let that assholes words get to me. I should have known better than to take to heart some playboys' words. I go to the bathroom where I undress throwing the clothes in the laundry basket and get in the shower letting the warm water wash all the stress from the day away off my body and soul. It is so refreshing and calming that I forget everything about the awful day that I had. I almost forget about me.
I don`t pay any attention to anything else. I am only conscious of the water that is running down my naked body. I don`t hear any weird noise or the noise that someone is in the apartment, so when I hear the shower curtain slide to the left I let out a high scream backing away from whomever it is that broke into my house.
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