Wild Soul [Romance, Fantasy]

[Drama Queen]

Oh da asta e una dintre partile mele favorite din toata povestea ( pe restul nu pot sa le spun pentru ca sunt din capitolele ce vor urma si nu vreau sa stric surpriza cititorilor cu privire la un nume sau o persoana)
Dupa cum stii greseli gramaticale nu exista(am controlat partile astea la sange la scoala) iar ideea mi se pare absolut geniala.
See ya next time!

[Sako-chan]

yay in sfarsit a postat si Luca-chan!!! arigatou gozaimasu!

asa, deci am mai scris un fic...se cheama Fashion Obsessions...(momentan nu are nici o legatura cu fashionul, dar n-am postat decat un singur capitol) pentru voi astia carora le place ce scriu eu ;)

imi pare rau ca nu ati mai postat :(( I'm gonna cry... :o3 dar poate dupa capitolul urmator...

[center]♫XIV.He promised, right? He should keep his promise...Or not?[/center]

Right after us, Triangle - math professor's nickname - came in the classroom. The whole lesson I only thought about what does "some things" means for Tom.

Then the break came. I pulled Tom in a part of the corridor where were not too many students.

"So, what did you hear, more exactly?" I asked.

"Not too much...About...Everything." he said, laughing.

"What the...?"

"Don't worry, I won't tell Josh. That's your business."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Oh, and, by the way, what's with that message?"

"Honestly, I have no idea." I answered.

"Are you gonna go?"

"I think so, but I'm afraid..."

"You should take someone with you." Tom said with a serious figure on his face.

"I can't. The one who sent that message said that I have to go alone."

"I don't think you should go, Alice."

"I'd better die than let them hurt someone I care about..."

"Do as you think. But it doesn't smell good for me."

"So you won't tell Joshua, right?" I asked, to make sure.

"No, I won't. I promised, didn't I?" he said and then left.

[MiraA]

Am revenit...scz de intarziere gagik,dar am avut cv treaba.Ma ti in suspans...abia astept sa vad ce se intampla cu Alice si care e faza cu mesajul ala.Pune repede nextul k nu mai am rabdare :)).
Greseli nu am vazut,dar nici nu am puricat capitolele ca sa le gasesc.Din punctul meu de vedere nu ar avea rost.Ficul este bun,ideea e geniala si destul de complexa si e in engleza,asa ca...normal ca-mi place.
Si sa nu uit inainte sa plec;) An Nou fericit,tot ce iti doresti si multa inspiratie.
Te-am pupat

[Sako-chan]

wow in sfarsit un post nou...NOTA: daca vreti sa postez capitole noi ati face bine sa mai postati si voi niste pareri, va rog! mersi moolt Mira-chan. am auzit ca scrii un fic nou cu Luca abia astept sa-l postati.

[center]♫XV.Saved[/center]

Tuesday I went nowhere after school, but I had to go somewhere on Wednesday.

When I arrived on the alley, I noticed that nobody was around. Suddenly, I heard a move behind me and a strong hand caught my hands, and another covered my mouth. I wanted to kick the attacker, but a whisper stopped me.

"Shh. Stay still and you won't get hurt, Alice." a boy voice said. "If you want me to let you go, you have to promise you'll follow me, without hitting me, screaming or other things like that. Anyway, those things would be useless. They would just make me mad. And I don't act nice when I'm mad. So, promise?"

I moved my head up and down as a "yes", and the hands withdrew. I turned to my kidnapper's direction. He was a tall boy, with strong and good looking body, black hair and some kind of dark-reddish shade of the eyes, close to black. He was wearing a black shirt with the first buttons loosened. Under he shirt, he had a gray T-shirt. The dark-blue jeans had about 3 rows of silver chains as accessorizes.

"If you've finished starring at me, then please follow me now." he said, without a little sign of humor.

Embarrassed, I followed him on some secondary alleys, then we arrived next to a cherry Mazda.

"Get in." he said and settled on the driver's seat.

I hesitated, but, knowing I have no choice, I entered the car. I was afraid.

He drove in speed to a forest edge, we got out of the car and walked in the dark, scary forest.

"So is this the kid you were talking about, bro?" asked a boy who was looking exactly like my kidnapper, but he was wearing a light-blue shirt and blue jeans.

"Yeah."

"Does she know about...?"

"No, so shut up." the boy with the black shirt interrupted him.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You are not in the position to ask questions, got it?" my kidnapper replied, taking me by the throat and sticking me into a tree.

"And you're not in the position to threaten her!" a known voice said, and Joshua put a knife next to my attacker's neck. "Let her go, Derek."

"Joseph?" Derek said, looking in his twin's direction.

But Joseph couldn't help him. Tom was holding him tight. Derek sighed.

"Hmph. You won this time, but I promise that the final will be different." he said, and then disappeared with Joseph."

[IceCat]

Asa, nya, am venit si eu pe aici.
In primul rand, vreau sa te rog sa schimbi titlul sau mai bine spus incadrarea in gen a povestii. SF inseamna science fiction, deci tre' sa aiba dea face cu tehnologia sau stiinta, si aici nu vad nimic dea face cu nici una dintre ele[in caz ca va aparea mai tarziu, imi cer umil scuze]. In orice caz, genul in care se claseaza povestea este fantasy[si indiferent ce ar putea aparea mai tarziu, cred ca e imperios necesar sa scrii ca povestea e fantasy odata ce vampirii fac parte din creaturile fantastice, doar ca cititorul sa stie la ce sa se astepte].
In al doilea rand, am crezut ca povestea e cea mai tare si i-as fi dat maxim de voturi, pana am vazut ca de fapt Josh e vampir[asta explica intr-un fel de ce era mai peste tot]. Chiar intr-un fel am fost dezamagita, nu ca am ceva impotriva vampirilor[fiecare cu cei place pana la urma], dar ma asteptam la altceva. Povestea e draguta, nimic rau de zis, insa nu ma impresionat in mod deosebit[scuze, sper sa nu te supere comentul].
Din punct de vedere al povestii, naratiunea e destul de limitata la strictul necesar, iar descrierea cam lipseste[mai ales descrierea sentimentelor, se cam simte de cateva capitole incoace nevoia de a vorbi mai mult despre sentimentele personajelor cel putin la cele principale, avand in vedere ca scrii la persoana I si acest lucru iti permite]. Te bazezi prea mult pe dialog, penultimul capitol chiar e numai dialog, cu exceptia e 2-3 randuri de prezentare. Nu stiu cum e pentru tine, dar si eu am inceput o poveste in engleza mai demult si nici acum nu am terminat-o pentru ca mi se pare greu sa scrii la ea si intr-un fel te inteleg, dar trebuie sa incerci sa povestesti si sa descrii mai mult, e vorba si de calitate aici, si odata ce ai sa faci asa, o sa observi ca capitolele devin mai lungi.

IceCat terminat, nya!

[Sako-chan]

ms de comm icecat. mi-e mult mai greu sa scriu descrieri & co in engleza decat in romana...si momentan nu pot face ce mi-ai zis pentru ca urmatoarele capitole (majoritatea) sunt deja scrise si nu am timp sa le mai schimb. imi pare rau ca nu iti place, si voi schimba titlul :) mereu incurc Fantasy cu SF. uite next-ul, lumee! Josh acum ;)

[center]❤XVI.Co-tenants[/center]

Alice fell on her elbows, with an afraid figure. She was trembling.

"Jo... Joshua?" she murmured.

"Yes?"

"Take me home."

"Let's go." I said and helped her get back on her legs. "Come on, Tom."

We leaded Alice to my car. I settled on the driver's seat, on the right, she settled on the left seat and Tom get on the back seat.

"Who's that guy?" Alice asked while I was driving to the town.

"His name is Derek. He's a moron."

"He's... weird. I wander what does he want from me."

I didn't answer. How could I say her that she has a vampire hunter's blood? Yeah, that's right, I couldn't. And anyways, her father would be angry if I would tell her. Since I was thinking at him, my phone started ringing. The caller's name - Nicolas Banner.

"Yes?" I answered the phone.

Josh, it's Nicolas here. I had to leave immediately to SUA, Tennessee. I thought I'll never have to do this again, but it was an emergency. There is a big killer vampire trouble out there and they need my help."

"And what am I supposed to do?" I asked.

Take care of Alice.

"That will be a piss. Derek kidnapped her."

WHAT?!!

"Calm down, she's now with me and Tom in my car."

If now Derek's in this too... Take her with you. I want you to permanently look after her. Take her in your apartment.

I couldn't contradict him, since I never did, but that idea wasn't something I was agreeing.

"Ok, but... What should I tell her?"

Give her to me on the phone. I'll solve that."

I gave the phone to Alice. Of course, because of the vampire hearing abilities I could hear everything Nicolas was saying.

"Yeah?" Alice said.

Darling, it's daddy here. I had to leave for some time, job trouble, you know how's that going.

"Not fair. Will you leave me alone... again?"

I don't like it either, darling, but I have to. But I'll ask you something.

"Anything!"

Trust Josh and his pals.

I couldn't abstain a smile.

"But... um, ok, daddy, if you say so... When will you be back?"

I was about to start laughing. I didn't know that Alice is "daddy's girl".

I'm not sure. It can last some days, weeks or even months.

"Oh...Try to be back as fast as you can, ok?"

I promise. Nicolas said and closed the phone.

[IceCat]

Oho, vad ca nu a postat nimeni inca asa ca imi rezerv locul. Hey nu am spus ca nu imi place povestea, era doar chestia ca ma asteptam la cu totul altceva, ca si cum as gusta o prajitura care ma asteptam sa aiba gust de ciocolata, si de fapt avea gust de stafide... probabil ca am sa mai apar si eu pe aici din cand in cand cu cate un comentariu cand n-am ce face, cred ca nu te superi, asa-i?
Tocmai am terminat de citit si tre' sa plec urgent, dar voi da edit pt comentariu la poveste, I promise.
I'm back... well... povestea decurge destul de bine, cel putin are mereu actiune ceea ce imi place. Bucata e scurta si nu prea am ce sa comentez. Majoritatea lucrurilor le-am spus in celalt comentariu.

IceCat terminat!

[MiraA]

Am revenit :D.Povestea se complica si mai mult si asa cum mi-ai promis:nu ma asteptam la asa ceva!
Alice sa fie fiica unui vanator de vampiri,care mai e si prieten cu Josh :X.
Sunt foarte curioasa sa vad cum se vor descurca astia doi intr-un spatiu atat de restrans ca apartamentul lui.Si,in plus abia astept sa vad cum va reactiona Alice cand va afla cine e Josh defapt (sau mai bine zis ce e el) si cine e ea.
Multa bafta la scris si sper sa apucam sa vb in curand .

[Sako-chan]

yayy ms mult pt commuri!!! aici next-ul!!!!

[center]❤XVII.My apartment, invaded[/center]

"Do you know my father?" Alice asked.

"Yeah." I said, taking my phone back.

I entered the town and drove on the way that leads to my home.

"Why did you took me this way? My house is..." Alice started.

"I know, but we're not going at your house." I said, interrupting her.

"Why not?" she asked, with a troubled tone.

"Calm down. Nicolas asked me to keep an eye on you, so you'll stay in my apartment for a while."

Wow, it sounds strange when you say it out loud.

"WHAT?!Dad asked you to lodge me at your home?!"

"Yeah, he wants me to watch after you, like that Derek won't be able to touch you again."

"Wow, I can't believe that. My dad, who doesn't even let me go out on a date with a guy, forces me to live with one...Bleah."

I giggled.

"Is Nicolas that harsh?" I asked.

"Only with the boys fact."

I stopped the car in front of our building.

"Is this where you live?" Alice asked.

"This is where we live." Tom said. "Me, Jake and Ben live here too."

"What the...?!"

"Oh, no, Alice!" I said, figuring out that she thought we all live in the same apartment. "We have separated apartments."

She sighed, relieved, but she was still tense because of the fact that she'll live with me. How about me, I had no idea how was I going to live with the girl I love, which doesn't even know what do I feel for her and, the most important thing, is a human. Obligatory, I had to go hunting, if I didn't want to take a lunch home.

We entered the building and we went up stairs to the second floor (we had no elevator). Tom entered his apartment, then me and Alice entered mine.It was a pretty big apartment. At the entry it was a small hall, where you could get both to the living room and to the kitchen I've never used.

The living room was furnished with wooden shelves full with books, two wardrobes, a sofa, a coffee table and a television.

The carpet was something from the eighteenth century.

From the living room, you could go to the balcony, to the bathroom and to the bedroom.

"There's the bedroom." I said, showing her with my finger the door in the bottom of the corridor next to the bookshelves. "And that's the bathroom, and the balcony."

"Wow, that's a giant apartment."

"If you say so..."

"Where am I gonna sleep?"

"In the bedroom. I'll stay on the sofa."

She entered the bedroom and I followed her.

"Is this the bedroom?! It looks more like a study room with a bed lost in it."

"Yeah, it's my room."

A big room, with two desks - one with the computer, next to the bed, and the other a study desk, next to the window - a two-persons bed and an empty wardrobe.

[IceCat]

Muhahahahaa, sunt prima again. Am vazut ca ai schimbat titlul, felicitari.
Capitolele sunt cam scurte si nu prea stiu ce sa comentez la ele. Am observat ca ai niste naratiune, dar cam atat. Actiunea daca stai bine si te gandesti sunt doar cateva secvente foarte scurte. Probabil daca ar fi ceva mai multa descriere as avea cu priire la ce sa comentez.
Succes la scris, nya!
IceCat terminat!