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Animezup - forum manga si anime Fan Zone Fan Fiction Arhiva v Just some one-shots

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Just some one-shots

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#10
25-01-2011, 05:04 PM
Ah, groaznic.
Pentru inceput.
Citat:urmand ca [,] cateva
Aici ar fi mers si 'mai apoi...'. Nu zic, nu e neaparat gresit dar pentru a evita acea cacofonie a trebuit sa pui virgula intre paranteze, ceea ce nu arata atat de bine.
Asa, in legatura cu scena mai 'intima', cred ca ai spus doar cat trebuia spus. Mai multe detalii m-ar fi ingrozit, mai ales cand ai notificat ca fata era fecioara.
In afara de greselile mentionate mai sus, nu am nimic de comentat. Actiunea, cum am mai spus e in ordine, dialogul si descrierea la fel.
Buh Bye !!!
[Imagine: ak8THBQ.png]


Răspunsuri în acest subiect
Just some one-shots - de Mariah . - 24-01-2011, 12:31 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Vero - 24-01-2011, 01:29 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de AlerimxD - 24-01-2011, 10:47 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Moon princess - 24-01-2011, 10:58 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Mariah . - 25-01-2011, 12:59 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Vero - 25-01-2011, 01:14 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Daria - 25-01-2011, 11:32 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de DeDal N. - 25-01-2011, 05:04 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Mariah . - 27-01-2011, 01:05 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Vero - 27-01-2011, 01:30 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de MooN. - 27-01-2011, 10:38 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Icsdeee. - 27-01-2011, 02:36 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Moony691 - 27-01-2011, 04:03 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de DeDal N. - 27-01-2011, 04:14 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Moon princess - 28-01-2011, 01:10 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de BloodyInnocence - 28-01-2011, 05:51 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Daria - 03-02-2011, 11:18 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Mariah . - 04-02-2011, 12:27 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Daria - 04-02-2011, 12:32 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Addeh - 04-02-2011, 10:30 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Mariah . - 04-02-2011, 01:23 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Dufresne - 04-02-2011, 06:40 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de DeDal N. - 04-02-2011, 06:42 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Vero - 05-02-2011, 01:21 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de **angels** - 08-02-2011, 05:23 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Hachiko - 11-02-2011, 07:20 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Mariah . - 12-02-2011, 12:45 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Moon princess - 12-02-2011, 01:33 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Katniss - 12-02-2011, 10:59 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de SnowFlake. - 12-02-2011, 11:41 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de DeDal N. - 12-02-2011, 01:38 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Vero - 13-02-2011, 12:53 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Kayla. - 14-02-2011, 11:58 AM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Beatrix LaVey - 14-02-2011, 12:10 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Addeh - 14-02-2011, 06:17 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Mariah . - 05-03-2011, 10:58 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Addeh - 05-03-2011, 11:09 PM
RE: Just some one-shotes... - de Vero - 21-03-2011, 01:36 AM


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