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Animezup - forum manga si anime Fan Zone Fan Fiction Arhiva v Yakuza's boss in love +18

Yakuza's boss in love +18

Rallu^^ Deconectat
Hello kitty power ! :x
*
Răspunsuri: 20
Subiecte: 2
Data înregistrării: Jan 2010
Reputație: 5
Zupi: 474 z
#12
18-01-2010, 10:52 PM
Ador ficul tau!! Il citesc cu atentie de la primul capitol dar lenea asta...
Ei bine, descrii foarte bine la persoana I, naratiunea e buna si nu e fugarita de tren iar dialogul nu este sec. Am vazut si cateva greseli de tastare sau de exprimare dar sunt putine. In rest..ai o problema cu "si". Il folosesti de prea multe ori intr-o propozitie, iar in unele cazuri il poti inlocui cu virgula. Povestea e extrem de interesanta. Sasuke are un fiu?! OMG! Abea astept sa pui nextul.
Mult Succes:*
[Imagine: love-sick1.jpg]

I may not be perfect, but I'm always me! 8



Răspunsuri în acest subiect
Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 03-12-2009, 10:04 PM
RE: [SasuSaku] Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 05-12-2009, 06:24 PM
RE: [SasuSaku] Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 06-12-2009, 04:27 PM
RE: [SasuSaku] Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 07-12-2009, 07:42 PM
RE: [SasuSaku] Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 10-12-2009, 03:39 PM
RE: [SasuSaku] Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 16-12-2009, 02:23 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 24-12-2009, 12:19 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 31-12-2009, 04:04 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rallu^^ - 18-01-2010, 10:52 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ellamanu - 23-01-2010, 11:34 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Vir - 22-02-2010, 02:31 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 23-02-2010, 07:59 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Adri@n@ - 25-02-2010, 08:45 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 17-03-2010, 06:54 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Teki - 02-04-2010, 11:10 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 04-04-2010, 10:23 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Teki - 06-04-2010, 06:55 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 20-04-2010, 10:41 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Crazy Person - 21-04-2010, 06:12 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 10-05-2011, 08:19 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Bonnie - 11-05-2011, 06:44 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Sho-Yo - 11-05-2011, 09:30 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Debb.' - 11-05-2011, 10:00 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Fifilina - 11-05-2011, 10:32 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 12-05-2011, 09:41 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 13-05-2011, 03:26 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nixu - 13-05-2011, 04:56 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 13-05-2011, 06:57 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rose ^^ - 13-05-2011, 08:19 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Sho-Yo - 13-05-2011, 08:24 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Debb.' - 13-05-2011, 09:28 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Bonnie - 13-05-2011, 09:38 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Fifilina - 13-05-2011, 10:57 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ame - 16-05-2011, 10:52 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Alle - 17-05-2011, 02:42 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Flash - 17-05-2011, 09:49 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 21-05-2011, 09:55 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Fifilina - 21-05-2011, 01:37 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 21-05-2011, 02:27 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ame - 21-05-2011, 02:52 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rose ^^ - 21-05-2011, 03:06 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Alle - 21-05-2011, 05:06 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nixu - 21-05-2011, 06:02 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Miranda. - 21-05-2011, 08:39 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Sho-Yo - 21-05-2011, 09:50 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Debb.' - 22-05-2011, 12:06 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de BalonaÅŸ - 29-05-2011, 05:28 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 30-05-2011, 07:37 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Miranda. - 30-05-2011, 08:54 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 30-05-2011, 08:57 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rose ^^ - 30-05-2011, 09:56 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ame - 30-05-2011, 10:16 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Debb.' - 31-05-2011, 03:30 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nixu - 31-05-2011, 10:48 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Katniss - 03-06-2011, 11:51 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 04-06-2011, 01:38 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 04-06-2011, 02:24 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de RouXiss Đx - 04-06-2011, 03:39 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Debb.' - 04-06-2011, 03:48 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Fifilina - 04-06-2011, 05:27 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Miranda. - 04-06-2011, 05:50 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ame - 05-06-2011, 09:27 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nixu - 05-06-2011, 12:45 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rose ^^ - 05-06-2011, 02:24 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ^Ciresica^ - 08-06-2011, 09:20 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 12-06-2011, 09:43 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ^Ciresica^ - 12-06-2011, 10:14 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Miranda. - 12-06-2011, 12:53 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nixu - 12-06-2011, 01:03 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rose ^^ - 12-06-2011, 02:44 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ame - 12-06-2011, 03:29 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 12-06-2011, 04:03 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nywa - 13-06-2011, 10:11 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Rose ^^ - 13-06-2011, 11:14 AM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Sasame - 13-06-2011, 01:14 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Daria - 13-06-2011, 01:18 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Nixu - 13-06-2011, 02:54 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de ^Ciresica^ - 14-06-2011, 12:46 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ame - 14-06-2011, 12:56 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Ayuu. - 15-06-2011, 06:33 PM
RE: Yakuza's boss in love +18 - de Miranda. - 17-06-2011, 11:03 PM

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