Suicide note generator

[cartof]

May 1, 2014

To Whomever Found My Body;

Mom, if that's you reading this: I was actually murdered, my corpse was desecrated by those "damn, dirty, faggot-jew-muslim-hippie gypsies" you always warned us as kids about, they made me write this note to cover up their horrible, heinous crime and you should stop reading now.

If you're reading this and you're not my mother, then most likely I am hanging by a noose from the rafters with a smile on my face, a zucchini up my ass and covered in a wad of jiz and nacho cheese.

Damn it, I wish I wouldn't have kicked the chair so far or tied the noose so tight. Maybe I should have just sprung for a whore. cartof, you cheap, dumb dead bastard.

Oh well, at least I died doing something I loved: Asphyxiating myself while watching Blue's Clues.

I knew I should have had a spotter.

cartof

P.S. Let my parents know that if I had gotten that pony I wanted when I was 8, that this probably wouldn't have happened.

?tiam eu c? poneiul ?la o s? m? bantuie. ?(???)?