Letter to Santa Generator

[Angelique]

Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,

This year, I have been a very bad little advertising tampon. I have sometimes murdered, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring Valium. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big brother, please bring Legos. For my doggy, please bring breath mints. Oh – and for my cleaning lady, please bring some worthless tchotchkes.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Spongebob Squarepants toilet paper, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get autographs! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the Jell-O I left out for you.

Breathlessly,

Roxana

PS: Please say hi to Ralph, the heartless Elfin slavemaster.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Alexa? She has been a really perverted coprophile all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!

Well..))