Suicide note generator

[SouL_ReapeR]

May 6, 2012
To Whomever Found My Body;

Mom, if that's you reading this: I was actually murdered, my corpse was desecrated by those "damn, dirty, faggot-jew-muslim-hippie gypsies" you always warned us as kids about, they made me write this note to cover up their horrible, heinous crime and you should stop reading now.

If you're reading this and you're not my mother, then most likely I am hanging by a noose from the rafters with a smile on my face, a zucchini up my ass and covered in a wad of jiz and nacho cheese.

Damn it, I wish I wouldn't have kicked the chair so far or tied the noose so tight. Maybe I should have just sprung for a whore. Wolf, you cheap, dumb dead bastard.

Oh well, at least I died doing something I loved: Asphyxiating myself while watching Blue's Clues.

I knew I should have had a spotter.

Wolf

P.S. Just to be sure, could you check my pulse again?

O_O ... I mean ... WHAA? =]][posturi unite]
si inca una :

May 6, 2012
Dear Friends;

Mostly, this note is to that devious cunt Crazy4Clay69 who I thought was my best friend and who definitely won't be reading this. That's because that nasty twat committed suicide. Good riddance psycho-bitch.

Ever since we became online friends, I was constantly posting to reassure that neurotic snatch about our friendship. How much did I need her? "More than anything". Would I do anything for her? "Absolutely". And then that nutty skank set me up and fucked me over by asking what I'd do if she died.

Unthinkingly, I posted "I'd kill myself."

To which she replied, "Rely?"

To which I replied, "yes really"

To which she replied, "I meant to type, 'Really?'"

To which I replied, "I know what you meant, silly<8)"

To which she replied "Really?"

To which I replied "Really what? Did I know you meant 'Really?' when you typed 'Rely?' Or did I really mean I'd kill myself?"

To which she tried to reply, but the thread was too long and we had to start a new post. In the end I convinced Crazy4Clay69 that I would indeed kill myself if she died.

What the f**k were you thinking Wolf? You spend your whole life trying not to die in a jihad or as a religious sacrifice and then you piss it all away by casually agreeing to an online suicide pact. God damn it.

Sure, sure, I could clear out my temporary internet files, stop accepting cookies, sign up for a new journal and leave my old online world behind. But anyone who has spent even 2 minutes reading my blog knows that's not how I roll. I live up to my responsibilities, even when they technically aren't my doing (see my "Errrr!!!!! Blockbuster Late Fees" entry on September 6).

So, to all of you who have enjoyed my journal, I must say thank you, good-bye and be sure to sign my guestbook.

There is no emoticon to express how much I hate that cunt.

Wolf

P.S. Tell the insurance company I was killed by 2 black men. They'll buy that with no further questions.

asta m-a dat pe spate =]]]] 2 black men =]===