Am I not good enough?

[Diz]

***

„Did we really needed( need, not needed, seriously did this sound ok to you once you re-read it? IF you re-read it.) to scare her like that, Arethusa?” a beautiful girl with long pitch black hair asks the woman who is standing next to her.
She didn`t like the way Arethusa decided to warn their little charge to stay away from that man. That( the ) man that already ruined the first of her lifetimes( honest to God I haven't the patience to read all of this so I'll just go along with the fact that your character has past lives and somehow remembers them ) and that wouldn`t let their charge alone (I...ehm...wait...what?!). They couldn`t let him ruin this one too. Ablase needed to be happy and they needed Ablase. If she wouldn`t be happy in this lifetime then she won`t become one of them and will return back to Earth to start again. ( Oh my poor poor head. Seriously? Time salad seems to be a specialty among the “writers” nowadays.)
„Yeah. I know she doesn`t understand from whom to stau ( stay...last I checked the dictionary which by the way, isn't such a bad idea for you ) away but in her subconcios ( do you honestly have NO Autocorrect in Word? It’s subconscious) mind (this word is useless here. The subconscious already refers to the mind, at least in my universe it does. ) she know ( knows…oh gods ) , she knows what she is, what her duty is and that she needs to get back to her duty ( you already used “duty” once here, now it just sounds annoying using it again. Find another word for it or refrain from using it altogether.) and she will avoid him ( so, a few lines up you tell us that she doesn’t know who to stay away from, but now, suddenly she does? Well, she either knows or she doesn’t, make up your mind, otherwise she just sounds like a woman on PMS changing her mind every few minutes.) . She has to.” The one that is called Arethusa answers looking at the mirror that shows them what Ablase is doing.
„I still think that we should kill him and make his soul go back to the stars. He does not belong in this world anyway, we will be making him a big favour (it’s favor ). Why is he so stubborn to live on Earth? What does he find attractive ( again, the autocorrect function seems to be on a holiday, because attractive is with a double t. ) there?” the little girl says with sadness in her voice.
She really didn`t like that man and would do anything just to get rid of him but there were rules and Ablase herself, even without knowing, granted him his second chance. Why did she do that thing, the little girl didn`t know and didn`t understand. When she had found out what her master did she was torn between respecting her decision and the desire to kill the man that had hurt Ablase. In the end she was calmed by Arethusa but that didn`t made ( make…you really don’t know your times, do you? ) her understand her masters actions which still hurt her.
„Tenanye, dear, we couldn`t have done anything to stop it. If we had paid better attention to her then that wouldn`t have happened but since it did and since it broke her heart when she saw him in that position, in that moment so torn up and sad, with tears flowing freely on his face she decided to make his wish come true ( don’t be afraid to stop and read out loud what you write, because if you do, you’d find yourself running out of breath at the end of this phrase. Words of the wise: shorter phrases make the world go round…and keep you breathing.) . You know that in that second when the soul is leaving the body you really don`t think about what you are doing and all that grieve and sadness just broke her heart (times, times, oh the poor times. You’re making them feel abused.) . So that is why she granted him a second chance. It isn`t as if she was conscious about the situation she was creating. It was just a reaction. She was helping somebody in need, that is what she does, that is her nature and that is why we all love her so much. Yes, even I wish sometimes that she wouldn`t have that big of a heart but I can`t and won`t change it ever.” Arethusa tells the girl for the nth time that day.
“I know. I just don`t like it. Really don`t like it, I have this ominous feeling about the whole ordeal.” Tenanye says looking in another mirror with hateful eyes.
In her mirror she sees Seiya sleeping with a beautiful redhead that reminded the girl of another redhead she knew that just like them was trying to get their important person back to their world, to the world that he belong to.
“How`s my little kitten behaving? I haven`t seen her in a while now and I am getting quite nervous. She didn`t used to forget about me for this long in the past…” a velvet ( I’m pretty sure the voice wasn’t velvet. Maybe velvety but not velvet. That would be just weird.) voice spoke appearing ( also, I’m pretty sure that voices don’t appear out of nowhere, and they’re usually accompanied by the body they belong to.) from nowhere.
It didn`t, however, scare neither of the two. They just glance ( glanced…dear God, glanced!) up and nod their acknowledgement at their new visitor and then turned back at their mirror continuing to watch the two.
“She is fine, Henry. Do not worry about her safety.” Arethusa graced her with an answer.
“What? No hugs? No “we missed you, Henry”?” says the blonde tall girl that walked into the dark room, pretending to be upset at their lack of enthusiasm upon seeing her.
“Oh, don`t take it personal, my dearest. I`m always here for you, if you need anything.” A feminine angel-like voice spoke appearing behind the blonde.
Henry turn ( turned, please tell me Santa brought you an English book…please.) around and hugged the beauty after she placed a chaste kiss on her forehead( least I’m mistake, and I’m usually not, Henry is a boy’s name…so why are there two females in this phrase?) . Katelyn stayed in her arms placing her head on the tall girl’s shoulder.
“She met Seiya, Henry. She met him and he already made her question Mamoru. We can`t let him ruin everything once again.” Tenanye exclaimed throwing her hands in the air in an exasperate sign.
“I know little one, but we can`t kill him if that is what you want me to do. You know I would just love to get my hands on him, but we aren`t allowed. We already are breaking a couple of rules just by me and Katelyn being in the human world around her we can`t afford to break anymore ( you know, commas never really did kill anyone, so don’t be afraid of them.) .” Henry tells the black haired girl trying to comfort her.
“Hmph…” she says before she leaves the room upset.
Henry wanted to go after her but Katelyn grabs her arm before she can take off after the teenage girl. Katelyn shakes her head. ( WHY is Henry a woman’s name for God’s sake?! Why?)
“Leave her alone, this one time. She feels betrayed. You know that she practically worships Ablase and it has been very difficult for her without Ablases ( you’re missing a mark here.) warmth.” Katelyn tells the blonde which still looks at the door after Tenanye.
“I am having a difficult time with her. I am slowly losing control, I am really afraid that she`ll go to Earth to kill him just to make sure that we`ll get Ablase back this time. But I`m not sure if killing him, if letting her be with Mamoru will make her happy.” Arethusa says without taking her eyes away from the image of a peaceful sleeping Ablase.
Henry raised an eyebrow looking expectantly at her ( still…why? Why a girl’s name…I baffles me.) friend, waiting for her to explain her convictions, but when it was clear that she had no intention of continuing the blonde asked Arethusa what she meant.
“What do you mean?”
Arethusa sighs making the image from the mirror change. The sleeping form of Ablase disappeared replaced by something else. At first Henry and Katelyn didn`t know what they were looking at exactly. They only saw a girl with very long brown hair on a bed naked laughing, a girl neither of them knew but then from under the sheets appeared a man. He had very short hair that was black with a blue reflexion ( …it’s reflection. Seriously, autocorrect if you don’t know how to spell.) and midnight blue eyes that were very expressive and in that moment they expressed infatuation, arousal and something more. He grasped when they saw the man because they knew him. They didn`t want to believe what they saw but they had no choice, the mirror never lied.
“I`ll kill him! I`ll rip his limbs apart!” Henry shots seeing red in front of her.
Her hands were tight in fist and she was prepared to hit something just to calm down a bit while her dirty blue eyes were throwing knives at the head of the man. Luckily for him, gaze didn`t kill or he`ll be dead in that second.
Katelyn just shook her head not wanting to believe that it was true. She didn`t want to think about the heart break her friend will have when she`ll find out, because she was sure she`ll find out eventually.
Fate didn`t seem fair in that moment. Why did fate put their sweet friend through these horrible ordeals neither of them understood but all of them knew they were forbidden to intervene.
“How long have you known about this, Arethusa? How long has this been going on? Is this his first time?” Katelyn asked hoping for the answers she wanted to hear but of course she got the worst answers possible.
“From the beginning, I`ve known about this and it`s been going for a long time and no she isn`t the first nor she`ll be the last.” Spoke Arethusa in a voice without a hint of feeling.

It ended. Gods I think I have the most painful headache of my entire life time. I honestly gave up reading thoroughly near the end, because I felt my head throbbing from all your mistakes.

First of all, please, please grab an English book, sit yourself down in a comfy chair, corner, bed, whatever, just sit down somewhere and read it. And I mean read it not just throw your eyes over it and close it after 5 minutes. To your great surprise, it’s not that hard! Yes it does contain theory and examples, but that’s how we mortals learn a new language. We study it. We learn the tenses, how to use words in combination with other words so that it actually sounds nice and doesn’t make you cringe every 5 minutes. We read books in said language, we sometimes read them out loud, so that we can grasp the language better and faster.

I’m sorry but your writing in English is atrocious, and any person with a better knowledge of the language would hit their head over the keyboard several times while reading it. It made me cringe from beginning to end and honestly, I didn’t understand what you wanted to say in some paragraphs. They just make no sense. Words thrown onto the screen for the sake of writing. Please re-read your writing out loud, maybe then you’ll notice the huge mistakes. I wish I could comment over the plot of the story, but I just can’t bring myself to read any more of it.

And why is Henry a woman’s name for Pete’s sake?!

That’s all I wanted to say. Learn the language before you start writing. Otherwise you just make other people smash their heads in various objects.