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Rape me , my friend

Noesis Deconectat
Amaterasu
*
Răspunsuri: 66
Subiecte: 3
Data înregistrării: Sep 2010
Reputație: 20
Zupi: 399 z
#38
26-02-2011, 12:57 AM
Oh, am ratat doua capitole. >___> Dar am recuperat. :D Logic ca recuperez! :D

Incep prin a spune - din nou - ca se pune intotdeauna virgula inainte de "dar".
Siiii... abia este forma corecta, nu abea. ^_^

Actiunea a fost putin grabita in penultimul capitol, dar a fost dragut. Mi-a placut si ca a fost ceva mai lung.

Ultimul capitol, este de asemnea dragut si imi place ca s-au sarutat si, dupa cate imi dau seama, Elian este cel care a initiat sarutul. Like it! ^_^
Descrierea de acolo mi-a placut mult.

Btw, referitor la paranteze. Pe unele le poti elimina adaugand virgule sau linii de pauza. Ofc, este doar o sugestie. (incep sa nu mai am o problema atat de mare cu parantezele :)) )

Spor la scris! Abia astept urmatorul capitol. ^_^
[Imagine: LCGbvGa.png]
nay


Răspunsuri în acest subiect
Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 21-02-2011, 04:05 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 21-02-2011, 06:08 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 21-02-2011, 06:15 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de DeDal N. - 21-02-2011, 07:59 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 21-02-2011, 10:52 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 21-02-2011, 11:46 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Beatrix LaVey - 22-02-2011, 09:31 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 22-02-2011, 10:22 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-02-2011, 11:35 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 22-02-2011, 11:49 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-02-2011, 03:15 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de DeDal N. - 22-02-2011, 03:25 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaoi Queen - 22-02-2011, 05:59 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 22-02-2011, 08:54 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 22-02-2011, 10:09 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 22-02-2011, 11:00 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-02-2011, 11:10 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 22-02-2011, 11:31 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 22-02-2011, 11:35 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 23-02-2011, 11:01 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Drama Queen - 23-02-2011, 11:35 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 23-02-2011, 05:04 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 23-02-2011, 06:46 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 23-02-2011, 07:34 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 23-02-2011, 10:37 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 23-02-2011, 11:09 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de MiraA - 23-02-2011, 11:10 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de kame. - 24-02-2011, 08:35 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 24-02-2011, 11:36 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 25-02-2011, 12:45 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 25-02-2011, 10:34 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 25-02-2011, 09:21 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 25-02-2011, 09:38 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 25-02-2011, 10:56 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 25-02-2011, 11:08 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 25-02-2011, 11:54 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 26-02-2011, 12:23 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 26-02-2011, 12:57 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Moon princess - 26-02-2011, 01:29 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 26-02-2011, 07:56 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 26-02-2011, 08:21 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaoi Queen - 26-02-2011, 08:54 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 27-02-2011, 03:48 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 27-02-2011, 06:30 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 27-02-2011, 08:34 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 28-02-2011, 11:06 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 01-03-2011, 12:14 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 01-03-2011, 09:26 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 01-03-2011, 10:26 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 01-03-2011, 06:07 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 03-03-2011, 07:43 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 01-03-2011, 07:00 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 01-03-2011, 07:23 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 01-03-2011, 10:17 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Rinnie - 03-03-2011, 05:24 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 03-03-2011, 09:48 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 03-03-2011, 10:54 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 05-03-2011, 11:43 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 05-03-2011, 06:40 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 05-03-2011, 07:18 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 06-03-2011, 04:01 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Rinnie - 06-03-2011, 04:14 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 06-03-2011, 05:17 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 07-03-2011, 03:13 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 07-03-2011, 06:14 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 07-03-2011, 07:22 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Rinnie - 07-03-2011, 08:21 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 07-03-2011, 09:00 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 11-03-2011, 08:32 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Tiusca - 11-03-2011, 09:43 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 13-03-2011, 11:06 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de LoLix - 15-03-2011, 07:57 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de sape - 10-04-2011, 03:58 AM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de aurelyon - 22-04-2011, 07:11 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-05-2011, 06:48 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de aurelyon - 23-05-2011, 01:30 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de LoLix - 20-07-2011, 09:19 PM
RE: Rape me , my friend - de Kato - 06-11-2011, 08:16 PM

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