Rape me , my friend

Rape me , my friend

DeDal N. Deconectat

Double D. Kiss
Helsing

Răspunsuri: 1.371
Subiecte: 93
Data înregistrării: Dec 2009
Reputație: 1.389
Zupi: 165.318 z

#12

22-02-2011, 03:25 PM

Sooo much better.
In primul rand, vreau sa te felicit pentru ca esti baiat si totusi esti fan yaoi. Da, asta se intampla mai rar decat cred eu. Suna ciudat, dar nah :))
Capitolul asta e mult mai frumos, mai lung dar in principiu mai bun decat primele. Ai evoluat dar totusi mai ai de muncit. Nu foarte mult, dar tot mai ai.
Ai cateva scapari cand vine vorba de semnele de punctuatie. Am vazut in unele locuri ca nu le puneai cum trebuia sau acel space lipsea. Ai grija cand folosesti caps lock sau cand folosesti italic. Lasa space dupa linia de dialog. Ma bucur cand vad ca folosesti dialog dar incearca sa nu il faci 'sec' adica nu doar cateva cuvinte si gata. Imbina-l cu descriere si naratiune.
Bun, atat am avut de spus.
Buh Bye !!!

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Răspunsuri în acest subiect

Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 21-02-2011, 04:05 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 21-02-2011, 06:08 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 21-02-2011, 06:15 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de DeDal N. - 21-02-2011, 07:59 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 21-02-2011, 10:52 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 21-02-2011, 11:46 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Beatrix LaVey - 22-02-2011, 09:31 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 22-02-2011, 10:22 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-02-2011, 11:35 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 22-02-2011, 11:49 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-02-2011, 03:15 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de DeDal N. - 22-02-2011, 03:25 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaoi Queen - 22-02-2011, 05:59 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 22-02-2011, 08:54 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 22-02-2011, 10:09 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 22-02-2011, 11:00 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-02-2011, 11:10 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 22-02-2011, 11:31 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 22-02-2011, 11:35 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 23-02-2011, 11:01 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Drama Queen - 23-02-2011, 11:35 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 23-02-2011, 05:04 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 23-02-2011, 06:46 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 23-02-2011, 07:34 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 23-02-2011, 10:37 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 23-02-2011, 11:09 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de MiraA - 23-02-2011, 11:10 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de kame. - 24-02-2011, 08:35 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 24-02-2011, 11:36 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 25-02-2011, 12:45 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 25-02-2011, 10:34 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 25-02-2011, 09:21 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 25-02-2011, 09:38 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 25-02-2011, 10:56 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 25-02-2011, 11:08 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 25-02-2011, 11:54 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 26-02-2011, 12:23 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 26-02-2011, 12:57 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Moon princess - 26-02-2011, 01:29 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 26-02-2011, 07:56 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 26-02-2011, 08:21 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaoi Queen - 26-02-2011, 08:54 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 27-02-2011, 03:48 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 27-02-2011, 06:30 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 27-02-2011, 08:34 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 28-02-2011, 11:06 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 01-03-2011, 12:14 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 01-03-2011, 09:26 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 01-03-2011, 10:26 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 01-03-2011, 06:07 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 03-03-2011, 07:43 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 01-03-2011, 07:00 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 01-03-2011, 07:23 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 01-03-2011, 10:17 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Rinnie - 03-03-2011, 05:24 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 03-03-2011, 09:48 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Yaku-chin - 03-03-2011, 10:54 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 05-03-2011, 11:43 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 05-03-2011, 06:40 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 05-03-2011, 07:18 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 06-03-2011, 04:01 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Rinnie - 06-03-2011, 04:14 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 06-03-2011, 05:17 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Noesis - 07-03-2011, 03:13 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 07-03-2011, 06:14 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de angel cat - 07-03-2011, 07:22 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Rinnie - 07-03-2011, 08:21 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Addeh - 07-03-2011, 09:00 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Lust. - 11-03-2011, 08:32 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Tiusca - 11-03-2011, 09:43 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de hiimera - 13-03-2011, 11:06 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de LoLix - 15-03-2011, 07:57 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de sape - 10-04-2011, 03:58 AM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de aurelyon - 22-04-2011, 07:11 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Eric - 22-05-2011, 06:48 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de aurelyon - 23-05-2011, 01:30 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de LoLix - 20-07-2011, 09:19 PM

RE: Rape me , my friend - de Kato - 06-11-2011, 08:16 PM

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