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Nici vorba! Chiar imi place:X
86.54%
45 86.54%
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3 5.77%
Total 52 vot(uri) 100%
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[Naruto] Jail is my home

#3
hello, un al doilea comentariu presupun ca nu te deranjeaza :P
titlul, suna bine, destul cat sa ma faca sa intru la fic-ul tau
cum a zis si .4U ai inceput intr-o maniera prea copilaroasa, adica cati ani are ca sa mai viseze inca 'paradisul poneilor in roz si mov' :))
adica m-a indoiesc ca daca ar fi atat de mica incat sa mai viseze de astea chiar ar baga-o la inchisoare
ai avut gresele, spatiu se pune dupa semnele de punctuatie, nu ininte, doar dupa obligatoriu, deci nu ar strica sa dai un space si dupa linile de dialog, o sa arate mai bina
ideea ma incanta, ceva diferit, adica un cuplu diferit :X:X :P
actiunea a fost buna pentru un prim capitol, nici nu ai intrat foarte mult in detali, deci nu ai grabit lucrurile nici nu a fost ceva sec, potrivit cum se spune
ok, atat pentru capitolul asta, pentru primul fic te-ai descurcat exemplar :D

bye bye
4



Răspunsuri în acest subiect
Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 31-07-2011, 10:15 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de hiimera - 01-08-2011, 09:06 AM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de crazy little red - 01-08-2011, 12:38 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de Search - 01-08-2011, 12:43 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de hiimera - 01-08-2011, 01:06 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de Miranda. - 01-08-2011, 01:51 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de hiimera - 03-08-2011, 11:30 AM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de Mina-chan - 03-08-2011, 01:26 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de ^Ciresica^ - 04-08-2011, 12:34 AM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de Search - 04-08-2011, 11:46 AM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de Search - 05-08-2011, 05:37 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de ^Ciresica^ - 05-08-2011, 08:56 PM
RE: Jail is my ... home [+16/+18] - de Miranda. - 05-08-2011, 08:58 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Mina-chan - 10-08-2011, 03:49 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Miranda. - 10-08-2011, 08:14 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Yuki4ever - 10-08-2011, 10:45 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de ^Ciresica^ - 12-08-2011, 05:34 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Yuki4ever - 12-08-2011, 09:39 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Mina-chan - 12-08-2011, 09:48 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Yuki4ever - 17-08-2011, 12:17 AM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Zummy - 17-08-2011, 12:28 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 18-08-2011, 10:14 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Yuki4ever - 18-08-2011, 10:39 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Zummy - 18-08-2011, 10:44 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Mina-chan - 18-08-2011, 11:02 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Miranda. - 19-08-2011, 12:28 AM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Miranda. - 02-09-2011, 11:33 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Yuki4ever - 04-09-2011, 01:45 AM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de ^Ciresica^ - 10-09-2011, 12:34 AM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Zummy - 10-09-2011, 08:12 AM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Miranda. - 17-09-2011, 06:43 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Search - 29-09-2011, 06:10 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de ^Ciresica^ - 01-10-2011, 02:32 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de Mina-chan - 01-10-2011, 10:18 PM
RE: Jail is my... home [+16/+18] - de i Ramenn. - 02-10-2011, 03:40 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 20-02-2012, 11:43 AM
RE: Jail is my home - de Zummy - 14-03-2012, 10:44 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de DiZ - 10-05-2012, 11:15 AM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 13-05-2012, 03:36 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de ^Ciresica^ - 13-05-2012, 09:22 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 22-07-2012, 01:21 AM
RE: Jail is my home - de Erina Ozaki - 29-07-2012, 01:47 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de rovy - 12-11-2012, 06:36 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de MadalinaMada - 30-11-2012, 11:38 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 01-12-2012, 10:08 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de ^Ciresica^ - 01-12-2012, 11:46 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Erina Ozaki - 10-01-2013, 07:47 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 21-03-2013, 05:35 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 11-06-2013, 09:56 PM
RE: Jail is my home - de Ayumi Michaelis - 21-08-2013, 01:14 PM

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