Letter to Santa Generator

[Azazel]

Dear Pagan Troll,

This year, I have been a very materialistic little advertising tampon. I have compulsively murdered, and I have never helped my mommy’s “special friend” with their taxes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like I care, and so I deserve lots of love this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring daddy’s testicles in a vise. For my daddy, please bring a new topaz-studded ass plug. For my big brother, please bring Barbie. For my doggy, please bring a homeopathic heartworm remedy. Oh – and for my mail man, please bring some fruit cake.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Scooby Doo videos, and front row tickets to Eminem – plus backstage passes so I can get behind the scenes! Oh, and please don’t forget to bring my pool. But if you can’t, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the eight-ball I left out for you.

Love,

Azazel

PS: Please say Merry Christmas to the baby Jesus.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Bitch? She has been a really perverted cry-baby all year long and doesn’t deserve any Christmas presents. So please don’t forget to put dog shit in their stocking. Thanks!